A popular online platform posed an interesting question and answer, “If a husband earns R20,000 as monthly salary, while the wife earns R40,000, what is the total amount or money in the house? Answer: R20,000.”
In a study of 1,051 couples in the United States, a group, Fidelity Investments, discovered that 40 per cent of couples got the question wrong when they were asked separately how much their partner earned. It noted that one in 10 misjudged their partner’s income by more than $25,000.
While there are no available statistics in SA on that, some men who spoke differed on whether they would tell their wives about their earnings.
According to Mr. A, lack of trust between couples is responsible for the lies they tell one another about their earnings.
Mr. A, who has been married for 13 years, said, in some situations, husbands are forced to lie to their wives about their actual earnings.
He stated, “They may lie for various reasons, which could include lack of trust or a cheating spouse. But I must also say that when one keeps lying to one’s spouse, one is courting trouble. I have learnt from past experiences. But for very rich couples who seem to have everything and pay all the bills, it may be unnecessary, especially where it seems one party may take advantage of the other. But it’s usually better if both parties discuss and reach an agreement on which situation suits them best.”
A businessman, Mr. B, who has been married for six years, said there was no need for him to tell his wife his monthly earnings because he ‘pays the bills.’
“If a husband knows exactly how much his wife is earning, he may want to shirk his financial responsibilities. I think the key word here is balance. In my case, although I am a businessman, I don’t let my wife know how much I make even though I trust her to be responsible with money. But since I take care of her expenses and that of my children and the home, there is no need for that. But for some men, they don’t trust their wives with their financial details because their wives are spendthrifts or heavy shoppers,” he said.
A communications expert, Mr. C also noted that some men do not like revealing all their earnings to their wives because of their financial responsibilities.
He said, “Men are expected to be the bread winners of their homes. Thus, they have to be more accountable concerning their income and spending, especially if the income is meagre. But if the husband earns so much and is a ‘big boy,’ his wife doesn’t have to know exactly how much he earns as the bills are paid and other demands are met.
“My wife has always known my earnings. However, I try to keep away information on commissions I receive as I notice that once my wife knows I have extra cash, impromptu demands start arising. But, since we are quite close and open, I often do not keep such information for too long because I cannot make significant purchases without her asking questions,” said Mr. C who has been married for five years.
However, it is not only the men that do not think it is necessary to disclose one’s salary to their wives. For 41-year-old mother of two, Mrs. A, it depends on how much trust the couple has built over the years.
She added, “I have been married for about 10 years but I have never disclosed my actual salary to my husband because he is a typical African man; most of our men like to be bossy and controlling because of their ego. They may feel slighted or inferior if they discover that their wives earn more than they do and may think that the woman would use it against them in the future. So, it is better for the wife to say she earns less than her actual salary because it would make the man feel more important.’’
Nevertheless, a banker, Mrs. B, said husbands and wives should be transparent about their earnings. She said she and her husband of eight years were open about their finances from the beginning.
She said, “It’s not an issue because we have always been open to each other about our finances right from the time we started dating. Married couples should be open to each other about their earnings; after all, they are both running the home.”
A businesswoman, Mrs. C, said, “I know how much my husband earns and he knows how much I earn monthly, but he does not know about the worth of my quarterly payments, benefits, and so on.”
Do you think men should tell their wives how much they really earn.. What’s your intake on this?
