8 common thoughts that can ruin a relationship

With all of the beauty and joy that comes with being in a loving, committed relationship, there’s always a possibility that you or your partner may be thinking about your relationship differently at any given time.

It’s not uncommon for insecurities to transform into fears and negative thoughts, which could do more harm than good if they go unchecked.

Thoughts become actions, and if you’re not careful, unhealthy thoughts could have an impact on how you communicate with, treat, and see your significant other.

Once you feel any of these 8 thoughts arise, take it as a sign that it’s time to reevaluate how you’re viewing your situation before the seemingly innocent thoughts and concerns cause damage that may be beyond repair.

Here’s a list of them below:

1. “I can’t compete with what you and your ex had”
Your partner’s ex is an ex for a reason. Constantly wondering how you stack up against your partner’s previous lovers isn’t helpful in any way, and it can cause you to take your entire relationship for granted.

2. “I’m going to mess this relationship up”
It may seem obvious, but worrying that you’ll ruin a relationship will probably cause you to do just that. Once we’re convinced of something, whether that’s positive or negative, the universe has a way of confirming exactly what we believe. If you truly believe that a relationship will go downhill before you have any real evidence, your actions might cause you to fulfill your own prophecy, which isn’t fair to you or your partner.

3. “You should make me happy”
The partner you choose should add joy to your life, but it’s not their job to make sure that you are a happy person. Happiness is an inside job that a relationship should make sweeter — if you’re relying on your partner to make you happy, that will eventually become too much pressure for someone who isn’t you to manage.

4. “Happy couples never argue”
Even couples in the healthiest relationships have disagreements, but believing that a relationship should be free of confrontation is unrealistic. The more you know about someone over time, the more you’ll have to like and dislike and the quicker you can solve problems in a way that isn’t hurtful, the stronger your bond will be.

5. “I’m hard to love”
Everyone can be loved, and while we may think that our requirements and expectations might put a strain on our relationships, at our core, we all just want to be cared for, heard, and understood. Most people aren’t hard to love; they just need to be clear about what love means to them.

6. “We’re too different”
There’s beauty in building a lasting bond with someone who grew up differently than you did or who has interests that differ from your own, but instead of worrying if these differences are insurmountable, remind yourself why you’re together in the first place. After all, where’s the fun in being with someone who is just like you? Commonality doesn’t always lead to compatibility.

7. We’re not where we should be”
Comparing the progress in your relationship to that of your friends, family members, or strangers could cause you to add pressure to an otherwise peaceful pairing. Trust the timing in your relationship and remember that your timeline is yours and yours alone.

8. “I don’t know if I can trust you”
Whether there’s been a breach of trust in your relationship in the past that is giving you a cause for concern or you’re simply thinking preemptively, constantly thinking that your partner can’t be trusted will only lead to drama and will definitely ruin your relationship. There is not relationship if there is no trust, and if these thoughts grow too loud without the two of you addressing your trust issues, it will be only a matter of time until you go your separate ways.