6 other betrayals that are as bad as having an affair

Relationships and marriage are hard! There are some obvious things that would break a relationship, such as physically cheating on your partner, or you and your partner having radically different values, or maybe one wants kids and other is decidedly child-free.

Cheating is one of the most common betrayals that people talk about when it comes to relationship-enders. And cheating is horrible, I agree.

The trust that is broken and likely irreparable, the emotional betrayal of it. But cheating is only one of many different types of behaviors that are a betrayal to your relationship and the commitment you made to your partner.

Here are 6 other ways to betray your partner and your relationship, that you may not realize are just as damaging, if not more than physically cheating on your spouse.

1. Putting your wants and needs above your partners
Relationships are about partnerships and equality, but there is also a saying that “love is putting the other person first.” When you start to forget about the other person’s needs, or start to put your own needs above your partners, you will begin a gradual decline in your relationship.

Yes, your needs are also important. But your consideration should be about your partner’s needs and how both of you work together to meet each others wants and needs.

2. Taking your partner for granted
When you’ve been with one person for a long time, it can be easy to stop thinking of that person as a separate individual person, and just a person who is part of your family.

When you stop trying to be romantic, stop dancing, stop saying “I love you,” or stop saying please and thank you, you’re taking your partner for granted.

3. Emotional cheating
An emotional affair is essentially an affair of the heart, all of this [flirty texts, deep emotional connection, telling them things about your partner or things you wouldn’t tell your partner] drains energy from your primary relationship.

Emotional affair are as damaging than physical affair. Physical affairs are often not emotionally involved, and are easy to cut out if you’re trying to repair your relationship. Emotional affairs can be incredibly difficult to end. Emotional cheating can irreparably damage a relationship and all trust very quickly.

4. Not standing up for your partner
You and your partner should be a team. When someone makes fun of or denigrates your teammate, you should stand up for them. It doesn’t matter if it’s your friend, a colleague, or stranger.

When you married your partner, that person became your closest family. If someone calls your spouse names or thinks they “aren’t good enough for you,” then it is your responsibility to stand up for your partner.

5. Lying to your partner — even about stupid things
Lying to someone, especially someone close to you, is one of the most basic violations of a person’s human rights. Whatever one’s stance is on open versus closed relationships, the most painful aspect of infidelity is often the fact that someone is hiding something so significant from their partner.

Lying is never okay. Being caught in a lie will destroy your partner’s trust, and if you’re lying and hiding things from the person closest to you, why are you in that relationship in the first place?

6. Pressuring your partner to change
You should be absolutely clear on this: you should be with someone for who they are, not who they should someday be. That’s not how people work!

Smokers know that smoking is terrible for them, but they can’t quit because you want them to, they can only really successfully quit when they want to. That’s how changes work. You can’t make someone change.